I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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