It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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