we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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