Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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