god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
