All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Floor bacon is actually really good
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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