im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize