Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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