There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
