i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's always time for handjobs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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