why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
