OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
