Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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