Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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