Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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