I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize