do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
