just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize