Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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