One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
