I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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