You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
