i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
