mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
