I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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