I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
