i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
