I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
