my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize