Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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