It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize