All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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