remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
