If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize