Cold hands, warm shart.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
please don't ironically join a cult
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