why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
