Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
