I cut my penus on the lid.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
