I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
