You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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