i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
