I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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