I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
