Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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