I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
