Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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