dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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