I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
