Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
