You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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