just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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