is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
