she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
