I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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