i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
