Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
