how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
