did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
