I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
