look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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