Non-Jews are for practice
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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