yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
