home. puking in laundry basket.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
