oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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