Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
