like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
